Sunday, December 2, 2012

Crabby Me Needs a Get Away

So things have been bugging me lately. Expectations for one. At home. You know, deck the halls and all that fa la la la la. I love decorating for Christmas, getting into the spirit, but I find it frustrating when things are not organized. And then when I get blamed for it and am told that most of it is "my" stuff. That too much dark time of year and I am cooped inside without  getting an sun sense of claustrophobia sinks in. And when everyone just expects me to spend my limited free time picking up after them and doing all the decorating by myself. I want to just chuck it all and sell all the Christmas things and not deal with it.
Then there's the art thing. One of my teacher friends at school put me in the same category as her. Which I am NOT. She occasionally putters and it is not that she doesn't do art, but she likes to copy things and I like to create my own. It is not that she is bad, she isn't, but she is a read the instructions and make an item kind of person. And that is really ok because that is all she wants to be. I create because I MUST create. That's a huge difference. She creates for fun and when it suits her or she has time to kill.  If I don't it eats at me and I get snappy. Like now. Not enough studio time and not enough creative release.
I shouldn't let what she says bother me but it has been for about a week now.
I am  bursting at the seams with some frustration! And that makes it hard to let go and be creative because I am fuming emotionally underneath and when I get to the studio I blank out.
Need a walk in the sunshine. Need to sit in the sunshine.
In a way I need the holidays to be over, but I don't want them to be because I love them too.
I really like Christmas.
I just hate the expectations which I shouldn't let get to me but if I don't take care of things thing won't get done and in my head they will just pile up and pile up until it is too much and I shut down.
Maybe I am already shutting down?
I guess what I really need is to quit my job and stay home and organize and clean out this house and then spend lots of time in the studio and doing the fun holiday things I want.
I am having a hard time balancing those things lately.
Thank you SOOOOOOOOO much for listening.

So one thing I am doing and really enjoying has been making these digital photo books that you then order. I really like laying things out-maybe I should have been a graphic artist-and I like my photos. I love the results, and it is a way to put my photos into books and have them available for people to look at-instead of sitting on a DVD or as part of my computer's hard drive.
I did one for our trip last summer to the Northern Rockies and have been working on one for another trip we took.
am finishing up part 2 of photos from a trip to Barcelona and southern France we took in 2010 for my 50th birthday and as our last family vacation before Katie graduated high school and went off to college.
I am photo-shopping  these pictures of this archeological site we went to in Spain on the Costa Brava (coast between Spain and France) called Empuries. It was a Greek and then Roman site.
For some reason last night as I was Photo-shopping my photos for the trip book, I found myself totally getting out of the holiday cheer mode and enjoying them. They were calling to me. I have a strong desire to walk among these ruins in the sunshine. Wishing I could go back to that region too, since it is one vacation I feel we really didn't have enough time for (all vacations feel that way but this one feels unfinished for some reason to me).  I thought I might share them with you.
here's you go.

This site was an absolutely HUGE dig. The Greek city was nearest to the ocean and the Roman city was up on top of the hill. It was the first time I has ever been to such a large dig that wasn't super touristy- like Pompeii and places like that in Italy-which is of course loaded with Roman sites.

We came across this site and made a spontaneous decision to check it out.
They had this cool little museum there too.

And look that this beautiful ocean view on the site. It is the town of L'Escala, Spain, which when we drove through it is definitely a beach resort town.

So exotic (not tropical) from here in New Hampshire.
One more photo for you.
Thanks again for listening to me whine.
I certainly appreciate you taking your time to read those trivial musings.
Hope your have a great Sunday.

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